Quit trying to kill me, daydreams

Ideal human

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http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/16/science/16tier.html?src=me&ref=science

Science research experts are always conducting important studies about the crazy world around us. On this blog alone, we've discussed many exciting new findings: commercials are secretly awesome, teenagers are forced to act like teenagers by text messaging, coke-addicted bees like cocaine. WHAT ON EARTH! Today our trusty science-doers did some science and turned around 3 times clockwise and spelled "murder" backwards while breathing out and decided that people who daydream are more likely to be sad than people who never think about anything.

In order to communicate the specifics of the study to its simple-brained readership, the New York Times first launches into a few sex jokes, because part of the study involved the "doing" of "it." Ew, ha ha! Ok but so. This study was conducted through use of an iphone app, which is a highly delicate scientific tool that helps eliminate unneeded data from the non-iphone having, non-important population. The science phones found that the happiest people alive are boning. The next happiest people alive are exercising. After that, carrying on conversations. These are apparently the world's most terrible conversations because they are less fun than physical exertion. They are text conversations with Tiger Woods' sloppy seconds. They are conversations about getting divorced and selling the Barbie Dream House and accidentally hitting the poodle with the Range Rover.

After the terrible conversations and social interaction torture stuff comes a few more every-day-type activities, then shopping, then spending time with the kids, then reading. I call bullshit on parenting being more fun than reading. I mean, right? Maybe they specifically mean more fun than reading those dumb Drug Advisories (TL! DR!) in our prescription pill bottles, which is literally the only thing Americans do read, unless you count Harry Twilight: The Girl with the Da Vinci Code.

Next the article quotes one of the science experts, who says it is totally bizarre to realize that people around him are daydreaming right fucking now! Wild! He is freaked out because it turns out not everyone is a robot zombie concentrating fully on the engaging tasks of walking around and respirating.

Now we get to the conclusion-ish part of the study: regardless of activity, people who concentrated more fully on the shit they were doing were happier. This means that daydreaming makes us miserable! Alternate explanation? I don't want to go too far out on a limb here, but: maybe people who focus intently on grooming, tying their shoes, watching Too Many Half Men, what have you, without getting distracted by any thoughts about politics, film, literature, their social life, their professional life, their cat, etc.... maybe those people are not the sharpest tools in the Department of Detainee Affairs. In the toolshed! I meant toolshed. Awkward.

Of course, such a correlation would also imply that smarter people tend to be more miserable, and except for one or two- oh shit. I just found this

List of Smart People Who Killed Theyselves

1. All of them

Well whatever. Jury's still out until I get an iphone.