Quit trying to kill me, First Lady guns

Michelle Obama threatens to crush a child

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/08/opinion/08dowd.html?_r=1&scp=8&sq=michelle%20obama&st=cse
Thank you, Maureen Dowd, for shining the light of truth and hysteria on yet another great threat to our nation: Michelle Obama's refusal to wear cardigans. I really thought you were reclaiming your throne as a muckraking journalist with the Arm Expose of the Century until you do that shamefaced back-pedal thing toward the end of your article and are all like "But I mean..... I'm cool with it."

Apparently, according to Maureen, there are quite a few Silly, Prudish Old People on The Hill who, unlike Captain Dowd of Team Cool, who is totally hip to this new "arm-baring" trend, are foaming-at-the-mouth enraged because Michelle keeps parading around sleeveless and distracting the shit out of everyone with her sick arm muscles. People are trying to legislate around here! It is taking way longer to bankrupt everyone than originally expected! At this rate there will still be people eating in restaurants at the end of the year! Restaurants!

Dowd's article begins with a promising thumb of the nose at the so-called "establishment" with a very informative and news-worthy introduction explaining that, even though Good Writers who write the Rules of Good Writing claim you should never ever start an article with a taxi scene, I'M MAUREEN DOWD AND I'M STARTING WITH TAXIS. Basically, she is the mavarick of American journalism and will go down in history for boldly embracing cliches when everyone else said that it was lazy. However, it's all downhill after that because Dowd, intimidated into silence by the huge and murderous biceps of Michelle Obama, just sort of wishy-washes around about how some other people she knew were totally appalled by Michelle and her J. Crew
whoredom.

In the taxi, when I asked David Brooks about her amazing arms, he indicated it was time for her to cover up. “She’s made her point,” he said. “Now she should put away Thunder and Lightning.”
I’d seen the plaint echoed elsewhere. “Someone should tell Michelle to mix up her wardrobe and cover up from time to time,” Sandra McElwaine wrote last week on The Daily Beast.

However, unlike 2 of Maureen's VIP BFFs (who have oh-so-clever nicknames for the Death Appendages, by the way), plus probably like basically everyone else in the entire DC metro area, who quite rightly have their High-waist White Cotton Hanes in a twist about the obscene First Lady Strip Show, Maureen wants us all to know:

Her arms, and her complete confidence in her skin, are a reminder that Americans can do anything if they put their minds to it.

These days it kind of seems like everything remotely Obama-related reminds the press about Americans being able to work and do stuff. Barack attempting to do his job? Inspiring. Sasha and Malia being children? Inspiring. Michelle having arms that connect to her body? Inspiring. I doubt Maureen Dowd is going to find those arms so commendable when they are crushing the Op-Ed staff of the nytimes for publishing another article called "Obama's Complete Failure to Reverse Time and Undo Eight Years of Stuff that Already Happened."

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I'm guessing that, because President Edgy initiated the Slightly Less Overpriced Clothing Revolution by shopping at stores important people nevah evah used to shop at, he and the missus can afford a few blazers. Put those sculpted arm-beasts on lock, Obams, before she demands more education funding.