Note to animals that hate going extinct: don't make this face.
-
http://www.sciam.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=artificial-uterus-could-save-grey-n-2009-02-18
When Charles Darwin first published his theory of natural selection, public opinion was divided. At first, people were like "hey, so you're saying weaker things die, while stronger things pass on their traits to the generations that follow? Psh, seems kind of obvious." Then some other people got wind of it on perezhilton and were like, "I won't read or attempt to understand that paper but it is definitely wrong." Thus began a dispute that rages to this day between people who have taken high school biology, and people who dropped out of high school to study the biology of their second cousins.
However, whether you're an avid advocate of evolution education or a diehard disciple of divine design, we can all agree that, when a species can no longer hack it survival-wise, nature must take its course and allow some new, better species, like the Secretly Not a Ladybug or the chicken nugget, to take its place in the ecosystem. Now some bleeding heart conservationists, who apparently desire to have literal bleeding hearts, are fucking with the natural order of things by attempting to preserve the Grey Nurse Shark, otherwise known as the Craziest Motherfucking Shark. CMS is having slight population issues because, unlike all other unborn things ever, which concentrate on important shit such as Organ System Development, their delinquent embryos like to kill and eat each other prior to birth. It's basically Survivor: Shark Womb, except that basic cable would never show anything so horrific/entertaining.
Sound like a potential threat to humanity that will totally work itself out? Unfortunately, Deadly Animal Proliferation groups won't let sleeping sharks lie (and be killed minutes later by their siblings). Since the shark bebes refuse to give peace a chance, some dude whose resume presumably includes Executive Director of the Dennis Kucinich Presidential campaign and an internship at High Times, wants to spend a few million constructing artificial shark wombs where a sweet little homicidal shark fetus can grow huge and terrifyingly strong without fear of confrontation with anything as evil as itself. Now, I'm not saying Americans are known for making terrible, terrible investments that ultimately lead to the total collapse of the world economy, but does Project Love the Sharks sound like something that will end up paying off to anyone? Last I heard, there's no bailout package fix for 300 razor sharp teeth in your neckmeat.
When Charles Darwin first published his theory of natural selection, public opinion was divided. At first, people were like "hey, so you're saying weaker things die, while stronger things pass on their traits to the generations that follow? Psh, seems kind of obvious." Then some other people got wind of it on perezhilton and were like, "I won't read or attempt to understand that paper but it is definitely wrong." Thus began a dispute that rages to this day between people who have taken high school biology, and people who dropped out of high school to study the biology of their second cousins.
However, whether you're an avid advocate of evolution education or a diehard disciple of divine design, we can all agree that, when a species can no longer hack it survival-wise, nature must take its course and allow some new, better species, like the Secretly Not a Ladybug or the chicken nugget, to take its place in the ecosystem. Now some bleeding heart conservationists, who apparently desire to have literal bleeding hearts, are fucking with the natural order of things by attempting to preserve the Grey Nurse Shark, otherwise known as the Craziest Motherfucking Shark. CMS is having slight population issues because, unlike all other unborn things ever, which concentrate on important shit such as Organ System Development, their delinquent embryos like to kill and eat each other prior to birth. It's basically Survivor: Shark Womb, except that basic cable would never show anything so horrific/entertaining.
Sound like a potential threat to humanity that will totally work itself out? Unfortunately, Deadly Animal Proliferation groups won't let sleeping sharks lie (and be killed minutes later by their siblings). Since the shark bebes refuse to give peace a chance, some dude whose resume presumably includes Executive Director of the Dennis Kucinich Presidential campaign and an internship at High Times, wants to spend a few million constructing artificial shark wombs where a sweet little homicidal shark fetus can grow huge and terrifyingly strong without fear of confrontation with anything as evil as itself. Now, I'm not saying Americans are known for making terrible, terrible investments that ultimately lead to the total collapse of the world economy, but does Project Love the Sharks sound like something that will end up paying off to anyone? Last I heard, there's no bailout package fix for 300 razor sharp teeth in your neckmeat.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment