Quit trying to kill me, radioactive cash

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B01E2DD123CF935A35752C1A9629C8B63&fta=y

Today in Lithunia, the government wants everyone keeping their eyes peeled for some poison money they misplaced, specifically a radioactive US $100 bill. I've never been to Lithuania, but if I had to make an educated estimate, I'd say about every single Lithuanian citizen is already on the lookout for US $100 bills, which might explain why it went missing in the first place. And unless Geiger counters are standard issue in the former Soviet bloc (possible), or Eastern Europeans have gamma-ray detecting superpowers they keep on the down low, the government may need to come up with a more effective strategy than "watch out".

Aside from highlighting the apparent National Security policy of: be careful!, the bill also raises concerns about its origin. The going theory is leftover from Chernobyl, but Supervillanous plot against America sounds more plausible to me, especially when you consider that Ukranians walking around with USD 100 in the mid-80s probably had better things to do than hang out in Chernobyl, specifically, buying tickets out of Ukraine. Seriously, what better way to poison people than stick it on some money? It's like a monetary STD; regardless of what might happen to those on the receiving end, some schmuck will always be more than happy to spread it around.

t

Fortunately for non-pregnant adults everywhere, the article goes on to explain that, most likely, only pregnant women and children could be harmed by the killer cash, which is just one more reason to keep money out of the hands of women. Aside from being super terrible at math, they now also suck at surviving contact with dollar bills. So next time your wife/girlfriend wants to handle her own finances, carefully explain the life-threatening dangers of money management, then cut up her credit card.